Bitter Sweet.

It's 10:02pm and still not dark. I'm sitting at the table with the windows wide open, looking down the street at the long line of Victorian row houses.

It's been a strange week. I've been quite emotional. I think the reality of my leaving London is starting to sink in. I find myself caught in limbo. One minute I'm realizing how much I miss my friends and family back home, and the next minute my eyes are welling up thinking about all of the things (and people) I am going to miss here.

I have a lot on my plate with school, and I'm really worried I'm going to get caught up in the whirlwind, and not have the opportunity to properly say goodbye. Tonight I made a list of some things I want to see and do before I go home, and truth be told, I'm not even sure I'll fit them all in.

How did this year fly by so quickly? How will I know if I need to come back? Will I be able to come back? Will it be the same if I do? What about London and this year makes me so happy?

As I write, 'makes me so happy' I realize there is some explanation needed. I'm not always happy. I was explaining this to a friend last week. Sometimes I'm very sad and very lonely, but there's something about this year, and being here on my own that makes me feel so alive. I think I often mistake 'happiness' for this feeling. If I'm being honest, I've had more tearful moments this year than many years combined, but I think these emotions are due to the heightened sense of self that I am experiencing. Who knows. I will never really know.

On a lighter note, some things I've been thinking about lately:

First up, some things I won't miss....

I won't miss the crowded sidewalks

I won't miss the excess packaging on all of my groceries

I won't miss the stress of crossing the street and always looking the wrong way

I won't miss the pollution

I won't miss the extra loud sirens

I won't miss hard water

I won't miss terrible over priced sushi

I won't miss tiny fridges

I won't miss washing machines that take 3 hours

I won't miss crunchy clothing resulting from no dryer

I won't miss the anxiety induced from never knowing whether a toilet will flush or not (seriously scary)

I won't miss my silly pay-as-you-go Samsung phone

I won't miss feeling lost on a daily basis

I won't miss being run off the sidewalk by children on Razor Scooters

I won't miss being called American wherever I go

I won't miss 'Top Shop' syndrome (ask my cousin)

I won't miss the construction below me, beside me, and across the street from me

I won't miss the night bus (okay, maybe I'll miss it a little bit)

I won't miss seeing vomit on the streets every single day (I'm not joking)

I won't miss seeing someone's toosh daily (again, not joking...bum cracks EVERYDAY, EVERYWHERE male and female)

I won't miss having to think about the comfort level of my footwear before leaving my flat, or having to take a purse large enough to carry flat shoes

But I will miss....

I will miss my new found English, Canadian, and Australian friends that have made me feel so welcome in London

I will miss my international friends from my Masters program

I will miss my old friends and ex-boyfriend(s) some of whom are responsible for me being here in the first place (yes there is an 's' there as there are 2!)

I will miss toddlers with British accents (this is dangerous and probably something I should be kept away from)

Small children in cute school uniforms (same as above)

I will miss the green man

I will miss the amazing architecture and being surrounded by the history of this great city

I will miss the zillions of galleries

I will miss Whistles

I will miss week night drinks* (I will discuss this at a later date)

I will miss Rhubarb Yogurt (sounds weird, but you'll have to trust me)

I will miss Pret a manger

I will miss cheap wine, half pints, and decent ciders

I will miss sitting on my blanket in the common

I will miss the foxes that greet me on my street late at night

I will miss the markets

I will miss the South Bank

I will miss my unavoidable weekly hamburger

I will miss eating 'chips' and not feeling guilty

I will miss living in a neighbourhood filled with a zillion people my age

I will miss the accents

I will miss all things Royal (I'm talking to you Harry)

I will miss afternoon tea (but I will carry it on at home)

I will miss chocolate covered biscuits

I will miss cheap travel, and GB's proximity to Europe

I will miss occasions to dress up

I will miss the man at the pool (who's name I don't know) that I share a lane with most mornings

I will miss the efficient public transportation

I will miss British guys (their tossled hair, trousers, jumpers, button-up shirts, loafers, coloured socks, and Barbour Jackets)

I will miss eating Hummus daily with seriously legit Pita pockets 

I will miss Gordan's Wine Bar and their cheese portions (Vancouver's SALT could learn a thing or two about bang for your buck)

I will miss the special 'Mind the Gap' voice at Embankment Station

I will actually miss my local Tesco Express (I have no explanation)

I will miss decent bocconcini in every grocery store

I will miss walking down quaint streets, and discovering new places weekly

I will miss being a foreigner (trust me, it has its perks)

As I type this (and cry), I realize I could probably go on forever. I will write another post at some point explaining some of these likes/dislikes, and adding to my list as I am certain I have forgotten more than I have remembered.

Until then, we have two months left of adventures Beyond the Blue Umbrella...